My husband is notorious for pretending he is listening to me when it's time to discuss decisions we need to make together in our relationship and then going behind my back and choosing to do the exact opposite of what we agreed upon and blame everything and everyone including me when confronted.
I am a college educated woman who is quite understanding and forgiving and mostly rational until I married a PA. I have thought long and hard and can not find a rational reason why someone who knows exactly what your wishes, opinions and needs are and agrees to them can then ignore it and make decisions against all of that and do it on a continual basis.
Money seems to be a big one for us.... he's made arrangements to refinance our home without me agreeing to it and going to another company when I'm a real estate paralegal to saying yes to anything and everything I ask if we can afford and then without warning blowing up at me about it later while we are out enjoying a day at the races.
The latest is how he scheduled a Realtor to come look at our house on a day and time that I specifically did not want. We discussed on a Sunday (and I reiterated my feelings on Monday) how we needed more time to get everything thing together to show the house, I suggested no earlier than Thursday. He agreed. I get a text message on Monday around 5 PM saying that the Realtor is coming Tuesday afternoon..WTF? His excuse for ignoring our whole conversation and making me feel like I didn't matter at all was that since the Realtor was his boss's husband, he was doing us a favor coming over to look at our house and that it would have been rude to say no. Since this isn't my first rodeo at this kind of stuff, I allowed him to do ALL the cleaning that I was planning on doing on my day off Wednesday while I went shopping. I still confronted him and he knew I wasn't happy, but I did not let it affect my regular plan.
And on Tuesday, I made sure I didn't come home until after the Realtor left. The way I see it is if he can make decisions without me and ignore our agreements then I don't need to be involved in those decisions if I can help it.
Now on my day off from work, I'm going to the races with friends.
I've learned that being married to a PA is like being hooked up to a WET VAC... they can suck you dry, leaving you feeling depressed, alone and crazy IF you let them.... I admit I have allowed him to do this to me for months until I educated myself on Passive Aggressive /Avoidance Behaviors and more so how to deal with them.
We start back at counseling on April 24th.... I will keep you posted on our journey with that as well!
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